The names you see here, are my only true friends, who have become part of my daily existence. They are real - no pretense, no bullshit, and I love them very much. I have reserved this space for only them and others like them.
I will add more names as they become worthy of being mentioned here.
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FREDDY
Freddy is my Belgian 'Net friend that I have known for a reasonably short time - since February 1998. I first met Freddy after a very tragic accident and he was most helpful and supportive, even though he did not know me from a bar of soap. I found him wonderfully funny, intelligent, witty, charming and spontaneous, so I finally looked up his website from his ICQ info page. Soon Freddy's site began to open, and I noticed that his site is hosted by Geocities. This insignificant fact is not hard to miss, because of the aggravating pop-up banner that appeared in front of the main browser window. I closed the offending banner, and waited while the rest of Freddy's site downloaded. Once the page had finished loading, I thought to myself, "There's probably nothing here that I haven't seen a hundred times on Geocities."

And at first glance, it did indeed look as bad as I had thought. There were words scrambled across the screen. There were not too many colours. There did not seem to be any logic to his hyperlinks. I don't know what kept me from going to some other site, which is what I normally do when presented with such - visual chaos. But I stayed. And I read some of his ramblings that were on the front page. After just a couple of seconds, I wanted more of these writings. The more I read, the more the urge to leave lessened. This guy was talking about anything, and it was all so out of order, but one thing was persistent in his writings: friends and cheerfulness. After soaking up everything on the front page, I eventually visited the rest of his pages. Most pages were filled with more of these interesting ramblings, and the main thing that interested me was when he was being serious and writing from the heart.

You see, you couldn't help but to notice that this guy was genuine. He wasn't some politically-correct yuppie wannabe. He was real. And that's the other thing about Freddy: friends. He had more good to say about his friends than anyone I've ever come across. It was at this moment that I realised why Freddy had to come into my life. But what's so special about Freddy? Freddy loves his friends. That is what is so special about Freddy. He is not afraid to say that he loves them. He is not afraid to hug them. He just loves his friends, and is not afraid to show that love. This perplexed me, because this is not the way that a guy is supposed to act. I remember when I was in high school, back in the seventies when I was very much in the closet.

My best friends were all straight, and when they would make the inevitable gay joke, I laughed along with them. If I hadn't laughed, then they would have suspected that I could be one of those people. There was always a hidden line that neither side ever crossed. There would never be a hug from my best friend - that would have been crossing waaaaaayyyy over the line. I had no-one, and I desperately needed someone that I could talk to openly, as a friend. I needed a friend that would accept me as I was and as I am now. I needed a friendship that had no hidden boundaries. I needed a Freddy. I think Freddy is trapped with a 6-year-old's heart. You know how 6-year-olds are: they make friends 2 minutes into the first day of school. They don't see skin colour. They don't see gays. They don't see hate.

All that they see are potential friends. This is Freddy. A young man with a six-year-old's heart, accepting everyone as they are, with no conditions. Maybe Freddy was that friend that I was looking for back in high school. The real friend that I never had. The boy that was comfortable with unconditional friendship. Whatever it is, Freddy has stepped into that role. There isn't the looming possibility of sex between us, as there has been in most of the gay friendships that I've been a part of. That's good. I know that it may make a lot of gays cringe, but I like to be just 'one of the guys' every now and then. I get weary of having to define myself by sexual orientation. I miss the innocent friendships that I had before the gayness hit me. Sometimes, I wanna go back to before I knew anything about sex, race, social status and blah blah blah.

I need a friendship where we're just two ordinary guys - perhaps one or both just happens to be attracted to other guys - no big deal. Maybe I'm just not old enough to have found that kind of friendship in the gay community. Maybe I haven't looked hard enough. Maybe maybe maybe. I don't care. I don't need to look. I have Freddy.
WILLEM
Willem is ... well, just my best friend Willem. I have known him in real life since June 1990, when we were both working for a cinema complex in Pretoria. I was 30 and he was a tender 16-year old. And funny, never have I even thought about the idea of trying to seduce him, although he was (and still is) one of the most gorgeous guys on the planet! Originally, I think, he looked up to me as a father figure more than anything else, but in time we became such close friends that I was terrified of the day that I had to come out to him (he never had any doubts about being totally straight). But eventually I did scrape up enough courage to do so, and I think his acceptance of my "difference" has made all the difference in our friendship. Finally, I got to be myself around him, and he grew up to become a fine young man during the course of our friendship.

He got married a couple of years ago - that's his wife Daleen with him in the pic - and they have a fine bouncing baby boy as a result of their love for each other. I have Willem to depend on, and when I need a real friendship hug. He has seen me in bad times, and he has seen me in good times. Yet he is still my friend. A wise man once said, "A true friend is someone who remains your friend, regardless of what they know about you." This is Willem. A friend in need, and a friend in opulence. Without people like him, the world would be a very sad place indeed.
NEIL
Neil is also a very close real life friend, whom I met in February 1997. 20 years old at the time, and (still) totally straight - despite my efforts to change our friendship into something more intimate ... I guess it's just me that always falls for the wrong guys! I was Neil's instructor when he came to work with me, and I immediately had a good gut feeling about his professional capabilities. Even in the face of adversity, I supported him and coached him in the support world. To this day, my faith in him has not diminished. He currently works as a support specialist for a very big banking group, and I am very proud of his achievements. And he has, despite my obvious desire for him, also proven to be a friend of fine integrity. He is always there when I tend to screw up, and he is always willing to help me and to support me. What have I done to deserve someone like him in my life?

Yet our "relationship" is very strange. Probably one of the strangest I have ever experienced. He still has no problem with my sexuality, and still sees me as a friend. However, I have fallen for him in a very big way but I still enjoy his friendship, too. If ever I meet someone to spend the rest of my life with, I would like it to be with someone like Neil (if I can't manage to convince him otherwise!). Warm, friendly and caring, he is also witty, considerate, honest, intelligent, sexy and (above all) loyal to his friends. Just a pity he is so damn straight ...
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